i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
