i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
