That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
