Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
