Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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