You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
