I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
