I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
