Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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