Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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