im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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