His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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