My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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