Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
