You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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