That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
