I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
