So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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