I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
