There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
