Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
