Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
