I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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