There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
