Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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