how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
