five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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