yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
