4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Randomize
