Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
