my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
