Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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