I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
