hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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