Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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