Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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