It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize