omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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