I think my vagina is haunted
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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