So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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