He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
