I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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