so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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