Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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