So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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