do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
