Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
