So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize