and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have fence marks all over my body
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
