Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
