Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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