JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
