porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize