I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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