DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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