For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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