the condom got lost in my hair
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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