Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
