not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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