Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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