I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I AM VODKA MAN
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
