Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
