I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
