she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
