I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my shit smells like andre
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
