So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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