The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
