My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
