I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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