he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
