ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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