we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
