He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
