remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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