Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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