My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
