She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
