I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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