so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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