Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize