We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
