we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize