i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
