does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
