Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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