Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
