You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
