He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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