I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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