Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
