I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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